Helga The Brand Wench

Position: Spirit Animal

It all started with a traumatic personal branding experience at the hand of an acerbic artist along Route 36. The poorly chosen font, the wrong color ink and the awkward placement on my backside—I knew I had been misbranded. Determined to do better, I made my way west.

After reinventing myself with a new name and identity, I entered the profession of Spirit Animal with a fierce determination to prevent individuals and companies from having similar branding misfortunes. After a serendipitous meeting with Bartlett Brands on a cold winter’s night in the heart of the Mission, I knew I had found my calling.

What can you expect from me?
Measuring up at just under one inch, I stand tall atop a tiny platform of judgement. My job is to stay behind and make sure things keep on brand, moving forward according to plan. It’s easy, it just takes work. Respect the brand, no need to be a jerk. #respectthebrand

Got a lemon? We’ll Make a Margarita.

Contact Us

Location for Bartlett Brands Map

Email Us



977 Valencia Street
San Francisco, California 94110

Follow Us